I am going through an idling time right now. You know, like a car stuck in traffic with the engine running. Msgr. Tuazon of St. Vincent calls this kairos, a Greek reference for time described as “a moment of undetermined period in which something special happens.” It is a period which requires a tremendous amount of hope, faith and love within a person, so he or she could actually go through kairos.
And in my kairos, I love to read about stuff that I know would help me in my waiting. One article I read earlier tonight was a letter of a young girl to her future “love of her life”, whoever he may be. It wasn’t at all mushy. In fact, it was insightful, and very practical, that it actually moved me to make one for my own “love of my life”, whoever he may be.
And so here it is. My very own letter to You (whoever and wherever you are right now)… maybe, in this undetermined period where I know something special will happen, I will meet you. If not, then I guess it’s back to me and You-Know-Who, the ultimate Love of my life.
Ummm… to tell You honestly, I do not know how to begin this letter. I mean, if I were a giddy teenager, it would have been easier to just gab about how a young girl dreams about finding her one true love… yadda, yadda, yadda. But that’s just it. I’m not a young, giddy teenager anymore. I am an adult woman who is in her discernment stage, and who is on the verge of making a HUGE decision in a few month’s time.
But I guess, whether one is a young girl or a grown woman, there is that desire for every female to find The One. And I am no exception. But because I am older and wiser (?), I have this tendency to be over-analytical and calculating. However, if you believe you are The One, I just want you to understand what you will be up against.
First, I am not perfect. You may argue that I am because a) you’ve known me for quite some time and that you are positively sure that everything you see in me–my craziness, my weird little ceremonies–is the picture of perfection and that you could absolutely live with them; or b) we’ve just met and you are currently mistaking your fascination of my quirks as being mesmerized by my wit and strength. I have faults and I have flaws, I want you to understand that. Because when the time comes when my crazies do not have the same appeal to you anymore, you would still have to live with them. And although I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I may sometimes conk out and maybe need repairs.
Since I am a woman, I am a mixture of hormones and I may sometimes have to take you on that roller-coaster ride called emotions that we women are notorious for. I hope you would sit with me and just hold me throughout the entire ride. And if you feel you need to get off before I do, don’t worry. I will understand. Just stay close so I could see you as the world swishes by. That way, I will know you’re still there.
I am also romantic (all women are!), and I appreciate flowers and candy and cute, cuddly toys despite my seeming Ice Queen demeanor. I love to hold hands and cuddle, and I may have a compulsion to hug you more frequently than normal.
But having been independent most of my life, I also value my space. So please, when I suddenly fall silent, don’t think you’ve done anything wrong (unless you actually have). Just let me be for a few hours. I’ll be fine after that.
Cooking is my love language, and I will cook for you for the rest of my life. I will also serve you and do everything you ask me to do. I will do all this because I love you. But sometimes, I might get tired and decide to be a woman of order–you know, dial delivery and order dinner. Please understand that is only temporary and it will be business as usual after a day or two.
I also love conversations. I can talk for hours about anything, and I am also willing and able to listen to you for a long period of time. Listening is what I do best. But if I sometimes don’t offer solutions, please do not think that I did not understand. I did. And my holding you is proof of that.
I can watch sports with you, but I may not be able to sit down and analyze the game stats with you afterwards. I’ll leave you and the boys to do that. And I can prepare all the pizza and nachos and dips and sausage and beer you need while you do it.
I may not be the best homemaker, but I will make sure you come home to a comfortable house. I hate housework, but if the situation calls for it, I will keep our home spotless and a haven that you can come home to and relax in.
Although I try to practice restraint and avoid outbursts, I have this tendency to do the opposite and clam up if I am upset. Instead of yelling, I would choose to channel my energy elsewhere and scrub the sink or make the bathroom tiles sparkle. So if you come home to an immaculately clean house, take a few moments to size up the situation before doing or saying anything drastic.
*Sigh* There are more, a thousand and one more things I would want to tell you about what you need to expect. But let me just end with this: despite my being overly analytical and calculating, once I’m in, I’m in forever. That I can promise you. And unless something extreme happens, there won’t be any turning back for me.
Originally published at author’s blog: gripofgrace.blogspot.com
Photo by Fr. Jason Smith